demand sex

(inspirational music) - [narrator] good morning,this is faith in our hometown, brought to you as acommunity service, and sponsored by mercyhospital, joplin. and now, here's yourhost, father jay friedel.

demand sex, - good morning and welcometo faith in our hometown, our local show here inthe greater joplin area where we get a changeto talk about faith and the things that aregoing on in our lives,

and how those thingsintersect for those of us living here in thegreater joplin area. my guest this morning isgoing to be clarke clayton, who works for lifechoices health network. one of the thingsthat we're going to be talking about thismorning is going to be one of those things thatyou get to educate about all the time, clarke, which is, the prevalence of pornographyand the way that it kind of

has filtered in to our society. something that used to bea situation where you would have to sneak to a seedyarea of town and do the walk of shame, now, isjust done with a few clicks of a button, and it's rightthere in front of everybody. and because of itsprevalence, it is really changing the landscapea great deal. so, we're gonna betalking a little bit about what we might doabout some of that,

and how we might speak tothe people here in our area. we'll be right back after thismercy minute, don't go away. (uplifting music) - [narrator] find outhow a mercy doctor can take care of you. at mercy, your lifeis our life's work. quality, safety, and anexceptional patient experience. mercy is gratefulto be recognized as one of the top 15 healthsystems in the united states.

- so, welcome back. again, my guest thismorning is clarke clayton, who's with lifechoices health network. and clarke, i'm just gonnahave you introduce yourself, and talk a little bitabout the work that you do for life choices, and thework that life choices does, especially where itconcerns this area, and our conversationthis morning about how do we kind of warn peopleabout some of the dangers

that we've unknowinglygot ourselves into. - well, we're asexual health clinic. we also go intothe schools and do sex ed relationship educationin 15 school districts. our three cliniclocations, we have two in joplin, and wehave one in carthage. we offer a full range ofsexual health services. we're really there to beable to minister to anyone who may be experiencinga sexual health crisis.

- and one of the crisesis that, i think that at least you and i can agree on, is the ubiquitousness ofporn in our culture today. it's just, it's rewiringyoung men's brains, especially young men,and nobody's even aware that in some waysthat it's happening. so, when you go in, i knowthat the message just can't be, don't, it's bad for you, becausewell, everybody expects us to say things like that, don't,that it might be bad for ya.

what's your approach whenyou go into the schools and when you starttalking about this? - yeah, well we, certainlyfor our culture, we have to reframe it outsideof just having a moral argumentthat it's wrong. we have to come atit with scientific, research-based informationthat helps educate young people that really their futurerelationship health is at stake if they give themselves to this.

because, hidden withinporn are latent messages, beliefs, values, and if someof that learned behavior happens very early inadolescence, it will shape behavior for therest of their lives. - yeah, it's kinda like,i always used to say you can't go kind of worshipingat a particular church without slowly getting someof that stuff to sink in. in that regard, they'rekind of going to their different spot andtaking their values and their

cues in a different way thanis probably helpful for them. now, again, let's goahead and just take the moral argument to theside, because yes, we could probably both agree,we're both church goers, i will just point blank saythis is not about god not wanting people toenjoy their bodies, this is not about god notwanting people to have sexual relationshipswith one another. let's face it, i thinkhe designed us that way,

to want to do that. why did somebody look atsomebody else and suddenly go, oh my gosh, you'reattractive, i think i might want to spend the restof my life with you? it's part of themystery of life, and we should rejoicein it, and we should build up healthy relationshipswithin the parameters that we all thinkthat they should be. and i know that we'regonna define those

parameters differently, andso i'm not even gonna try to do that on a showlike today, okay. but what i do think is true,is that there is a lot of scientific evidence, notbecause we don't want people to appreciate who they are,or revel in their sexuality, but the way thatsociety, or the way that, i shouldn't say society, butthe way that certain parameters of society, have triedto frame that argument, that anything goes, and thatthis isn't harmful for you,

and watch everything,and it's all wonderful. it's really selling everybodykind of a bill of goods. - yeah, that's exactly right. specifically, pornhas pretty much become modern day sex educationfor young people simply because ofits accessibility. you give your kid a cellphone for christmas, you're pretty much handingthem porn, unless you have put the right softwarein place, and the right

kind of monitoring ability,access is just so simple. the average age of firstexposure to porn in the u.s. right now iseleven, and that's a very conservative kind of basis. and if that exposure continues,it will certainly create very warped ideasabout human sexuality. - yeah, i think again,dealing with my students when i was full-time atthe university in de kalb, when i was dealingfull-time with my students,

they just had no idea thatslowly they were just giving themselves over to allkinds of images and stuff that were gonna create allkinds of problems for them when they wereactually trying to successfully navigatea real relationship. my point for them was,don't watch it because i don't think it's healthy forya, don't watch it because, or don't get into it, becauseyou have no idea how that's gonna effect your abilityto relate into the future.

- that's right, couple ofthe beliefs and messages that porn has, specifically,that will teach young men about sex, is that a, sex shouldbe accessible at any time, because porn is accessibleat any time, and so they bring then,into a relationship, that i should be ableto demand sex as much as i become accustomed to,because of my demand for porn. it's also gonna teach youngmen that women are really just to be dominatedand used, because

that's how womenare treated in porn. it will also give him themessage that sex is really just about his pleasure,and, honestly, that's when the porn scene's over,is when he's done. and then, it also kind oflays in this thought that whenever i grow boredwith a certain person, and a certain activity,then i can just move on to something else that'sa little more exciting. - yeah, and those are aall messages that i think

that have already takenroot in the culture, at least as far as i can see it. i mean, those arethe things that my college students strugglewith all the time. and i think of one particularstudent, and this is way back a long time ago, so,nobody at missouri southern, everybody relax, but, one ofmy student was in the middle of trying to navigate a newrelationship, and he was just so scared that he was gonna messit up because he was so used

to the hookup culturethat suddenly, when he did find somebody he wasreally interested in, he almost messed it up severaltimes in the first few months because he was just so used tomoving on to the next person, he was so used to not beingdisciplined, so used to that message of, well i should beable to do this anytime i want, and when he was actuallystarting to navigate a relationship that reallystarted to matter to him, he was scared to deathhe was gonna mess it up.

and without some othercounter-coaching, i really think hewoulda messed it up. now, gloriously, i gottasay they been married now for several years, but imean, it really took a lot of unlearning of somepretty unhealthy behavior that made the relationshippossible, ya know. - absolutely, it can even effect the intimacy within therelationship because, if you think about it, if thisearly exposure is happening,

and it's typically accompaniedwith self-pleasure, then really what the individual isdoing is conditioning their mind and theirbody to experiencesexuality in isolation. right, so that arousal state,and that release state, is something that is happeningvery privately, so that if they move into a relationshipwhere sexual activity is introduced, it can beincredibly uncomfortable and even anxiety-producing. and so, a lot of, especiallymillennials, just find

relationships in general tobe very awkward experiences, because it's a whole loteasier just to seclude yourself in your dorm room, to secludeyourself in your apartment, and just utilize porn foryour sexual lifestyle. you can still havefriends, you can still have relationships,but, because that's been the environment thatsexuality has been cultivated, it becomes a very private issue. - yeah, and again, whatso many people are saying

that they're hungry for isrelationship, but in this great age of freedom, we'vekind of tripped people up to be able to excel at theirrelationship, because of what we've touted as freedomthat everybody should have, to be able to watchwhatever they want, and do whatever they want, inthe privacy of their own home. i mean, it's just,i'll never forget when i was in high schooland one of the priests that was teaching ussaid, masturbation

is really a social act,and we all just laughed. we thought, what do youmean it's a social act. but what he was saying was,is that even that choice to isolate and to do thatis effecting, in terms of the way you actually encounterand live out relationships. which, i mean, it was ashocking thought to me as a 17-year-old, that thatreally was in some ways a social act, and it wastied in with all those other things that i wanted interms of life, and love,

and relationships, andall those things, but yet, that i was kind of in themiddle of maybe messing it up because i was thinkingsomething else. - yeah, well they know formstudies that individuals who are heavily involved inporn rate less satisfaction in their relationships,rate being less in love with their partner,are far more critical of their partner's appearance,and are far more critical of their partner'ssexual performance.

it basically elevates astandard of expectation that simply can'tbe lived up to. because, at the end of theday, porn is all a sham. it's a complete hoax,it's all fabricated, it's all one big lie,that when you consume it to that level, itcreates an expectation that you want toexperience personally that another person just isn'tgonna be able to deliver. - yeah, it's a greatchallenge in terms of wanting

a relationship, but yetthinking that, as something else that has been considerednow the norm, is actually tripping you up in the waythat you're gonna do that. and that's even withoutsomebody like me coming in and saying, well then,where's your soul, in the middle of all that too. this is just the, what weknow about what happens to the physiology of a personand the way it is happening. one of my friends who's asex-addictions therapist

in the st. louis area, hetalks about the fact that, and he's showed me a fewthings on the rewiring of a human brain, that actually,adolescent brains especially, in their developmental stages, are very prone to beingable to be rewired. and he showed me someof the mechanisms of how that actually takesover physiologically, and nobody is warning anybody. - yeah, it's thoseneuroplasticityyears from around

age 11, 12, through 21, to 22, when our brains aretotally pliable. often times, we talk aboutteen reckless behavior, they're just notmaking good decisions. it's because it's duringthat time in their life that their brains are mostopen to new experiences. and so, it's a wonderfulgift god has for us, but we have to be able tounderstand that where we're drawing that informationfrom can have a

huge impact forwhere we go in life. to give you a little exampleof what this looks like practically is,individuals that are addicted to porn, andare actually experiencing physiological effectsfrom that addiction. - hang on just asecond, i'm gonna interrupt you for just a second. we're gonna comeback, we're gonna start with that rightafter this break.

we'll be right back, thisis faith in our hometown. - [narrator] you're watchingfaith in our hometown, on ksn tv, brought to youas a community service, my guest this morning,again, is clarke clayton, with life choiceshealth network. we were talking a littlebit before the break. i want you to goback right to where you left off, in terms of that. - yeah, so, scientificstudies have shown

one of out every threeyoung men, 18 to 25, are now experiencingsome form of erectile dysfunctiondue to porn use. this has to do with therewiring of the brain. when these individualscome to this realization, oh my gosh, i can'tsexually perform, and they want to recover, theywant to rehab from this, the research tellsus that if the man is over the age of 30 andcompletely cuts cold turkey,

stops watching porn,stops masturbating, on average, he's gonnaexperience a return of full sexual performancein about 30 days. if individuals under theage of 30, same kinda deal, stop watching porn,stop masturbating, on average, it's takinghim about six months. and you go, wait a second,why is it that the old guys can recover five timesfaster than the young guys. and it actually haseverything to do with

the type of porn theywere initially exposed to during those neuroplasticityyears of adolescence. if you're over the ageof 30, that introduction to porn was likely a magazine. pretty boring, right? whereas, if you'reunder the age of 30, typically that first exposurewas gonna be high-def, high speed internetporn, unending novelty, a far more powerful andinsidious type of media.

- yeah, and it, again,it just gets its hooks in in a way thateverybody would swear, no, it's not gonna happen tome, or what's the big harm, or you're being aprude, or whatever. and unfortunately, it'sthe nature of the beast, because of the wayit works on those, the way that the brainfires, that gets everybody in the trouble that they're in. - i actually had, just a fewmonths ago, an 18-year-old

young man come to the clinicthinking he had some kind of an sti, because he wasn'table to get an erection. he'd never experienced thisbefore, it was very bizarre to him, he had no ideawhat was going on. i just asked him, i said,do you watch a lot of porn. he kinda shuffled arounda little bit, and he goes, well yeah, almost like, whodoesn't watch a lot of porn. i was just able to explainto him, well, it kinda sounds like what you're describingis that your brain no longer

is attuned to being ableto be aroused in that type of a setting, becauseit's been so conditioned that arousal is onlysomething that happens with you and yourdigital device. and that's very, very true. it's not that these individualscan't achieve an erection, because if they wereto go to their room, if they were to shut theirdoor, if they were to pull out their laptop, theywould instantly be aroused.

it's this ulteriortype of relationship that involves another person,that actually involves physical touch with anotherperson, that involves eye contact with anotherperson, that involves emotional vulnerabilitywith another person, that all of a sudden,their brain's going, i dunno what we're doing here, this is completelyuncomfortable, this is foreign territory to me,i don't know how to react,

i don't know how to respond. - yeah, you know, it's scary when i stopand i think about, 'cause i just think about allof the kids that i deal with. and again, our catholicschool kids, or catholic kids, are no more immune than anyother group in the world, in terms of stumbling overall this stuff and using it. and as a result, and let'sface it, there is a certain amount of experimentationthat is, quote, "normal,"

when you are young to figure out where am i in all this,and what does it all mean. and i understand all that, butit's just trying to get that other message out therethat says, but this stuff isn't stuff to be toyedaround with, because it is so insidious, and it can getyou so fast that, you know, i just want 'em to be ableto, you know, for those that are gonna to marry, i want'em to be able to be happy. i want 'em to beable to be faithful.

i want 'em to be ableto thoroughly enjoy that aspect of theirlives together. and i want that for them,i want them to be able to be good at it, to succeedat it, to revel in it. and to have that truly bea component, or a piece of, the blessing of what theirmarriage is supposed to be. and that's what ireally want for them. and at the whole time, i'mtrying to also, back here, say, but be carefulover here because,

this stuff can bite you so fast. - yeah, and again, ifyou think about it, if this research data istrue, this exposure to porn is happening in mostpeople's lives before puberty is actually kindof in full swing. and so, if this informationis kind of already been embedded, and then theirbodies begin to change, and hormones kind ofcome in to the picture, and this desire to expressthemselves sexually,

well, if their first exposureto sexuality has happened on a digital platformthrough pornography, then naturally, that firstformat for sexual expression for them is likely also goingto happen on a digital format. and so, in the studies, they'vebeen able to determine the primary influencing factor forsexting among youth culture, youth sending explicitimages of themselves naked, to another person over theirmobile device, the one form of media that's influencingthat more than anything else,

more than the moviesthey watch, more than the music they listen to,is the presence of porn. and it has to do with that,well, sexuality is something that happens digitally and so,as i awaken to my sexuality, it's something i'm going tobegin to practice digitally. - and again, the mystery of a human relationship isnot pixels on a screen. that's where the fallacy is. it's that that's all just fake.

it's all removed fromreality, and yet, that it's so prevalent thatpeople get sucked into it so fast that they don't evenknow what they're getting sucked into before it's,in some ways, too late, and some damage hasalready been done. so how do we counteract this? how do we counteract the damage? how do we do someof those things? - well first off, ithink there has to be

a social recognitionthat pornography is a significant healthconcern, it's a significant cultural concern. and, we've heard foryears, and years, and years from the porn industry that a,it's art, it's entertainment, it's free speech, it's allof these types of things. and yet, what they'renot telling you, is that half of all humantrafficked victims in the u.s. have been forced to make porn.

well, that takes it out ofthe realm of free enterprise. this makes it an issueof human slavery. in fact, researchersare now suspecting that porn is actuallythe leading cause of human trafficking inthe united states. and the average age of the human traffickedvictim is 12-years-old. so, if we can get thatmessage out there. if communities canunderstand that

our acceptance ofthis, or at least, our treating thisas a non-issue, is actually a dismissalthat human trafficking, that sex trafficking,is a non-issue. if we can bring that tolight, then we might actually be able to see achange in culture in terms of attitudeand behavior. - yeah, and to get peopleto realize that they're, you know, well who's it hurting.

well, it was hurtinga lot of people. even when it wasmade, in most cases. - absolutely. - i think of even someof the sites where people are doing thingsbecause somebody offers them a couple hundred bucks,well, it's, in some ways, the oldest game in theworld of, i'm gonna hit your vulnerabilities and i'm gonnaentice you in to do this because you need the money.

and somebody slides youthis money, and then you can do this, and we canall say it was a quid pro quo, it was just an exchange ofservices, and nobody got hurt. well, did reallynobody get hurt? and, is really nobody elsegetting hurt in the interim, with it being plastered all over the internet foreverybody to see? and again, the answer to that is that it's not avictimless crime.

some people argue whetherit's a crime or not, but certainly thebuying and selling of human beings iscertainly a moral issue. - and, whether it's legal, ornot, doesn't mean it's right. again, i don't necessarilyexpect all kids to get that part of the argument, but i thinkthe argument, that i think in some ways they can get,is do you wanna relate to a screen the rest of yourlife, because i mean, there's lots of otherstudies out right now

that millennials are waiting, they're not having as much sex. well the reason why they'renot having any sex is because they are, in some ways,just doing it with a computer screen in their room. while some people arerejoicing in the one statistic, i don't know that that'sa lot to rejoice in, because really, we're enslavinga new generation in a way that they wouldnever have conceived

in the name of freedom,and free speech. - and the fallout from thatis, fewer relationships, fewer long lastingrelationships, fewer marriages, fewer families, and you beginto see the systemic breakdown of communitybecause, no one knows how to relate toeach other anymore. - it's kind of a shamebecause really we so often, churches get a bad rap forwanting to, quote, quote "ruin everybody's fun," but,the way i look at it is,

really, in so many ways,we're trying not to ruin everybody's fun, but tosave their fun for something that's real rather thansomething that is artificial. - that's exactly right,any commercialized, any commercialization ofsex is really just the commodification of usinganother person for sex. it's a dehumanizing practice,i would even say it goes so far to be anti-human. and anytime you denysomeone else's humanity,

you end up denying your own. - yeah, and it's justthat great slippery slope that when you startdoing it in one area, pretty soon you startdoing it in another area. pretty soon you'refalling down into this pit and you don't even know thatthat's where you've hit. well, clarke, thanks forbeing with us this morning. we'll be right back afterthis mercy minute to wrap up. don't go away.

- if there's a familyhistory of breast cancer, especially breastcancer at an early age, that's a very high riskfactor for breast cancer and those patients shouldhave early surveillance, and should be awareof some of the signs and symptoms ofearly breast cancer. other risk factors would include maintaining an optimal weight. if one carries excessweight, that increases

baseline estrogenlevels, and that seems to increase the riskof breast cancer. those would be themain risk factors. - well thanks for joining us this morning forfaith in our hometown. again, our guest this morning,and our thanks to you, clarke, clarke clayton fromlife choices health network. life choices has alwaysbeen involved with the sexual health ofthe whole community,

and this is one of thosewhere you guys are fighting a very important battle,and that is for the sexual health of our youngpeople, especially in light of the fact that porn has becomeso prevalent in our society, and literally, it'srewiring the brains of so many of our youngpeople to where they don't even realizethat their ability to have a good, healthy relationshipis being imperiled by some of the stuffthat's kind of become

so accessible, andcrept into our homes. again, we're not abouttrying to spoil people's fun, or their sexual lives,but really what we're trying to do is tosave them for them. so, we need to continueto pay attention, and we continue to need thisto be an issue for us. this is a matter offaith in our hometown. thanks for joining us.

- [narrator] thanksfor watching.

faith in ourhometown can be seen sunday mornings at 6:30and 9:00 a.m. on ksn. brought to you as acommunity service,